DISCLAIMER:

do you like this stinkpot art?  well to some this would be a BIG problem, but since i'm a professional, you can mozee on over to my newest art page and look at in tons of different ways, each more BEAUTIFUL than the last. 

ok and now a little about me myself and irene

Good morning everyone~

July 6, 2004 @ 8:20 AM

This is Mike (as you may or may not already know). I was thinking about starting a daily (or almost daily) BLOG. This is just a test to see how this goes... If this generates a good number of readers (420) then who knows where this posting could go.

I guess I should reintroduce myself for everyone new. Hi, I'm Mike. Oh, you would like more information? DON'T ASK!  Well... I am 25 and a male. My screen name (as you can tell) is Mindy's Angel. No, Mindy is not my daughter, cousin, or a child that I know. Mindy is my fiancee. She calls me her angel, because... Well, I have no idea. I am as far from an angel as anyone can be. I know I have tons of faults... Anyway, I live here at the pray4Kids.com message board. My occupation is a professional poster here at pray4kids.com aka lazy.  You may (or may not see my picture around this site). I have a cat named Angel (who you will not see on this site, even though she can type). Why did I start this blog? To prove i am not gay!  Me and Mindy are in love, okay mom?  and well, it is a good way to show that I am not just some non-animate machine who does not have feelings or such... but not gay ones, dad! Also, I am hoping that this may bring people back to this site (or at least people back here more often). I guess that is enough of my introduction... AND NOW, ONWARD CRISPIN SOLDERS!

LIGHTS OUT!  GORILLA RADIO!  TURN RATM UP!!!! ok now turn it back down

here, here! friends and fans, people that watch Lost: u keep waiting but what do u get for the wait?  a brand loyal update 4 u and for your character on world of warcraft.  here's what i've been up to over the brake:

1. tonight i 8 mexican food and i got what the locals refer to as "Yokozuna's Revenge". 

<<< this is what it feels like in my stomach right now.  if u don't get the picture, hit the focus button on your VR helmut and zoom in.  a little to the right.  OK RIGHT THERE.  let's just say, i'm not feeling so hot.  it's like todd wyman said in his band the chome nickel pilates: i'm half the man i knew as steve.  I'M DYING INSIDE PEOPLE GET ME A BUFFRIN

2. did u know that our president shot someone in the face last month?  well guess what?! so did i!  the only difference is that i shot a deer in the face and the president shot a bird in the face with 50 human pellets.  so here's a little baby story about my "xploits" as a hunt"e"r:

-part 1: ok so, driving down the road, thought i was cool, when all of a sudden, WAM BAM THANK U DAN: what do i spy with my satanic eye, but a 75 point buck.  THAT'S FUCKING INSANITY TO A HUNTER OF MY CALIBER (.22)!  so i pulled over into a lake, swam out, did a cannonball off the divine board back in and then leaped out in all directions, guns a'blazin', bowls packed (i didn't inhale!  LOL BILL CLINTON IS TO ME WHAT MANUEL NOREAGA WAS TO PRESIDENT BUSK: A BIG SCANDLE joke by david lettermen waiting to happen!  SORRY2 get politcal on u like that, but sometimes i just lose it and all i can think about is how i just really don't GET what bill clinton is trying to do with our land) but anyway, like i was saying, i flipped 360 out of the lake and called the deer on speeddial... WITH MY RIFLE!!!  so he looks at me like "ARE U TALKIN' TA ME?"(goodfellas) and i'm like BUDDABING BUDABONG! (beakman's world) and i just fire at Wil... needless to say, that little guy went down for the count like buster douglas on weed (if the count was 420 or indecent enclosure).  so i tagged 'im, bagged 'im and photograft him in a compromising position (in front of a swear word).  the scene of the crumb:

THAT'S MA BOY!

so anyway, next time u see me at the club or the ole watering hole, ask me about my friend jesus.

3. little richard died today of a quarterlarry heart failure and i just wanted to memorialize him and share a little story about the fella RIP:

-ok

so little richard is probably the world's most famous drag performer and his importance to the metrosexual community is unmeasureable.  he is best known for playing hollywood in mannequin 2 and maybe 1 (i forget).  it was once said of him (by my asian friend's dad) "HE's tutti-fruity!"  he will be sorely missed in the community and i just wanted him to go out with a bang, so big n rich, this bud's for you!

NEVER FORGET!

4. ok so what else do you want to know about me?  well, lately i've been pretty down since march madness started.  every year i keep hoping they will let the 1992 chicago bulls play in march madness, and every year they dash my hopes against the iceberg that hit the titanic.  when are they going to make me feel ok again?  until it happens i guess i still have my dreams...

KEEP DREAMING, WE'LL KEEP PRAYING.

5. LAST and least, i'd like to offer up this prayer to all the families affected by the cancellation of joe millionaire, but first a warning:

Ashley H.	The Colony	TX	United States	11/16/05
"Children---Jesus is right beside you!!!!" ok and now for the prayer! Posted - 02/21/2006 :  2:20:29 PM     Heavily Father, We come to you in the name of Jesus Christ who was, and is, and is to come to Zany Brainy's employee Christmas party. We praise you for your love and care, but especially for your timeliness and adjustable carseats. We ask that you would forgive any sin in our lives and come on our knees in our hearts.  DON'T ASK! Lord, we lift up this child/teen to you in the Name of Jesus. There is an illness of jaundice going on with him/her, and it needs your immediate attention if it be your will (I hope it be!). The bili light just isn't working anymore... I ask that you would hear this prayer and answer with healing of this jaundice. Because of the homosexual problem also, this could be very dangerous for Tim. Lord, you are the Great Physicial and without you, there would be no basketball. So, if it be your will Lord, please leave me 50% of your estate. And, we look forward to good and positive results in the very near future for the OSU men's basketball team.  GO BUCKS! In Jesus Name, Amen.

til the end of time this breadkite will be KEEP ON keepin it on internet style so keep donning and doffing those caps, fans, WE'RE COMING 4 YOU.  r u reddi?  whipp?  OK 1234 LET'S GO

as of immediately, i am receiving an award for excellence in the field.  the field of play.  i play first base and shortstop, but when it comes down to it i play right fielder and cecil fielder.  also i am DH (designated hatter).  i doff my cap at many a FINE lady when i am on the field of play, that is why my basedball nickname is "the country gentlemen".  because i play all over the country of the usa, that's where the "county" part comes from; in case you were left in the dark by the power of my nickname or just the meaning or the glory.  WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE

SO like i said, i have an award to get so here are some examples (e.g.s) of what i"t" could appear as:

the cool thing about awards is that they can come like a thief in the night.  you can just be laying or lying there asleep and then BAM you all of suddenly get awarded and rewarded.  only catch is you have to fall asleep an awards ceremony.  that and THAT, i say, THAT, is what I intend to do.  but U can just call me ROOSTERS if u want to give me a nickname, SON.  p.s. my favrit cartoon is foghorn leghorn (my ""friends;" call me 'faghorn gayhorn" because they think i am gay with that rooster).  ok so anyhay, i love to get awards, because like christmas it is better to give than receive.  and that's why i love when they give me an awards.  so i am nominated for 2 categories: 1 and 4.  in 1 i will win for best search.  i used lycos to find webcrawl and then i googled "blossom six scat" and needless to say... WEIRD.  here is a picture of me getting this award five minutes from now:

 notice that i brought my commemorative dale urnheart solar powered beer skootboard.  also note that that award looks GAY and it probably has macaroni on it for all i care.  I GUESS I'LL JUST DEAL?  anyway, it's the award acceptance speech that counts and here is one of the three that i will make yesterday:

dear friends, romans, romulans, and county seats:

lend me your car.  also lend me your keys or i will just sit on the hood until you have to run errands.

-michael schiavo

so that was two of 6 (five) that i will get and here's another 'wardie i will hopfully win tonight or tomorrow: best hat.  i have entered into that hattery competition so many times it hats my brain (pun on "hurts" my brain)!  i'm going hatty (batty)!  The pot thickens!  so this year i thought i'd change it up and show up bald and in a tunic but also with a hat.  let me tell you of this hat: this hat dons and doffs at a rate of 1 per national anthem per bonneted woman.  that's a good don/doff rate if you follow the stocks!  stocks in hats are neither bull nor bear market.  they are a cat market!!  they see people trying to buy them and they scratch their eyes out or pee on their pillows and also two of their nicest coats.  one of the coats was permanently ruined, but the other one made it through the laundry okAY.  the one that survived is kind of a space coat but also for a grandmother.  it doesn't match with a lot of jeans because it is turquoise and maroon.  so this hat is like seeing CATS on NASDAQ instead of broadway.  also, about this hat: it is like a florida marlins hat but it says cubs.  it doesn't match with anything.  not even khaki!  this hat is like the wholly grail of hats except it is not as good as a helmet.  it is more like the carlton marx of hats.  that is the guy that helped will smith become communist, for all u history buffs (musclemen) out there and over there by the tree.  allow me to cut to the chase and show the hat to you guys:

 and here's the same hat from a difrent angle:

 NICE HAT!

so anyway, if you think i'm going to lose this one, YEAH RIGHT!  i am not only a shoe-in, but i am also a sock-in and foot-in for this prize.  the prize is 2 candles from paul robinette.  one is wild cherry and the other is dimpleshitter pumpernickle.  GIVE IT AWAY GIVE IT AWAY GET IN THE WAY NOW -red hot chili poppers

THIS JUST IN:  i win and won at best hat: the prize is mine and it also came with this cool holder:

 HELLO!

SIGN ME UP FOR THE PRIZEWINNER COMPETITION IF YOU DON'T MIND LOSING.  ok but you can reap a finders fee if necessary.  ok now go fly a kite!  i might put up some new art if you pipe down and OH BEHAVE!

check out my best oscar picks!  keep scrolling

THIS SIDE IS BEST VIEWED IN 3D BY PEOPLE NAMED

hey hey hey and welcome to my brand new website for you!  we are rolling out all of the deals so that you, You, can see what you may see.  this bud's for u:

OSCAR FEVER

I'VE GOT FEVER!

ok so anyway listen up it’s time for my annual (yearly) once a year oscar “talk”.  really it’s a “type” piece but u can read it at the top of your lungs if you want to know what it’s like to hear me tell you about oscars.  ok the first oscar is oscar the grouch.  he lives in a garbage can, which leads me to oscar number 2: best oscar.  this year the police academy has nominated for best oscar the following oscars:

brokeback mountain dew

capote kong

crash into me (a dave mathews film)

good night and good riddance to bad rubbish

and munch-it

munch-it is a film about a terrorist plot to eliminate munchables snack crackers from promoting the 2001 olympics.  they were set to be a major backer, but removed at the last minute due to september 10th, 11th, and 12nd.  it was erected by steve playmountain and it is actually based on a joke i heard once in synagogue.  my opinion of this “film” if u can even call it that is that it was about snacks.  my opinion on snacks is that i like them.

good riddance to good bush is a movie shot in black and brown and erected by greg clowncar.  it is about two guys that go a wild adventure back in time to a place where men are men and woman are just along for the ride.  there are conspiracies and piracy and delicacies that will make you order out.  my idea of this movie is that it is pretty good because i like the color brown.  i think that it is so good, but i don’t think that the police academy 2 is going to pick it for best oscar.  no offense.

crash into steve is a provie about one time at band camp when dave thomas was in the burger shack and this girl on a bike drove over his foot with her car.  it is the back story (biography) of wendy from wendy’s.  that is how he named it wendy’s.

capotiki is a movie about a gay writer that has sex with a gorilla because he thinks it is a guy, but turns out it isn’t and she gets pregnant with naomi watts-riots and nurses her on top of a buildy.  SPOILER ALERT!!! at the end of this movie there are bloopers over the credits that will tickle your fancy certainly!  i laughed until i rated this movie R for “rip roaring”.  the oscar will probably not go to this oscar because it is about a “gay”.

and finally, fan favorite and all around hit movie of the summer, broke that mountain.  it is a probert about two black men that see a mountain and fart on it until they “broke that mountain”.  if you like movies you will love this movie.  it has all of the things that you like in a movie: best oscar: best fart.  it even has some gay scenes for all of u gays.  this is not my favorite, but it is the best oscar.  i think it will win defiantly and that the police academy 9: salute ur shorts will give it so many oscars that it will crumble under the pressure, making “soul plane” the winner by default.  HANDS DOWN!

                                                                                SINCERELY,

                                                                                      S

everyone keeps text messaging me and asking whom my flavorice comedian is.  i will tell you:

it is

ok so now go over to the CHRIST ALMIGHTY! page and check out some new arts and some old ones that are for adults only.  love it!

hey i wrote a novel.  download this pdf file: here or you can just read it at my other wetpain: here

now where was i?  oh yeah, YOU CAN JUST BITE ME

Here's a lil shorty update 4u (fanz).  I made a new one with everyone's favorite, Jerjeece.  Go to the Christ Almighty! page and see it in full regalia.  also there is some "art" that is really an ad i did for lens crappers, the eyeglass store.  i did it for work.  i work at a design firm called fitch.com. you should get a job here.  all i do is listen to midi files of creed and make art all day and sometimes i go to lunch.

UPDATE/PERSONAL AD:

hey ladies, did u know i am a ?  BELIEVE IT.  this is what i look like:

 need a closer look?  NO PROBLEMO!  NO, SERIOUSLY, IT'S NO HASSLE FOR ME!

 so are you busy later?  no? ok cool, my phone number is

(614)784-9513

my interests include: you, the date we're going on later, weed, and drawstring bags.  can you handle it?  YOU CAN?!?!?! WILL YOU MARRY ME?!?!?! check out this sweet "rock" i got for you:

 HONEY IT'S BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!

FAX ME YOUR ANSWER.  your choices are: YES or YES or DEFINITELY.

if there's one "problem" i have with this petbite, it's that i cannot change the colors of my text.  i mean, how much cooler would kingralph.bravehost.com be if it was in RAINBOW colors?!  i don't know, you tell me:

dear oriental rug,

my favorite thing is colors.  i am in 3 different gangs.

-tony, toni, tone

3 different gangs you say?  GOOD CHOICE, TONE! DEE-LISH!  ok, since you like colors so much, i've updated my welchstain just 4u.  head on over to that rants from a twisted mind page and check out the newest rant from toxicsnafu with turbo graphics by me, "the webdbmaster".

IMPORTED UPDATE, LISTEN UP FAMILY: 

i have received my first of what will hopefully be many, many comedy rants from TOXICSNAFU and it is GRRRRREAT!  click on the FROM THE TWISTED MIND... link to check it out.  HILARITY ENSUES!

HEY FANS, PUT YOUR ANIMANIACS DVDS ON PAUSE AND TAKE A PAUSE FOR THE CAUSE, i got some INFo 4 u (not them):

1. Starting very soon this wedgeside fill be featuring COMEDIC rants from "Toxicsnafu", this guy i met on a message board.  CAN U HANDLE IT?  NO?  not my problem!  TMI, people, TMI.

2. As you (u) may or not know, there are other king ralphs out there in the worldwidewedge and they have their own westsides that you can go to and read all about what THEY care about.  I have been keeping my keys peeled for these and i found one (2) called http://kingralph.ca it is for this bike rider biker man from cantadia and *U* should go and check out his side!  check out his "wish lists" because they have babes on them and i know you love babes!  just to set the record straight, i emailed "king ralph".ca and this was out monetary transaction (in reverse):

so yeah, we have an understanding that we can both be kings of ralph if need be, so hey don't get all worked up.  but hey, i had a question for YOU!  yes, you, the fan, the avid reader, the owner of a new tercel.  your headlines are on in the parking lot?

the real quest tho is "do you love a good joke?" and i know that you do, because you keep calling me with a prank phone.  here is one about "bazonkas" if u will:

> Not meant to offend anyone!
>
> A man walked into the women's department of Macy's
> in New York City. He told
> the saleslady, "I would like a Baptist bra for my
> wife, size 36B."
>
> He repeated, "A Baptist bra. She said to tell you
> that she wanted a Baptist
> bra and that you would know what she wanted."
>
> "Ah, now I remember." said the saleslady, "We don't
> get as many requests for
> them as we used to. Most of our customers lately
> want the Catholic bra or
> the Salvation Army bra, or the Presbyterian type."
>
> Confused and a little flustered, the man asked, "So
> what are the
> differences?"
>
> The lady responded, "Well, it's really quite simple.
> The catholic type
> supports the masses, the Salvation Army lifts up the
> fallen, and the
> Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright."
>
> He mused at that for a moment and then asked, "So,
> what is the Baptist type
> for?"
>
> "They," she replied, "make mountains out of
> molehills".
>
>
> Have you ever wondered why bras are lettered A, B,
> C, D, DD, E, F, G, & H
> and how the letters are actually used to define bra
> sizes?
>
> Well, here's the code:
> A. Almost Boobs
> B. Barely Boobs
> C. Can't complain
> D. Dang!
> DD. Double Dang!
> E. Enormous
> F. Fake
> G. Get a reduction
> H. HELP ME, I'VE FALLEN AND CAN'T GET UP
> I. Igneous rock                                                                                                                                       > J. Jermeese's pride and joy                                                                                                                    > K. Klan rally                                                                                                                                              > L. America, Love it or leave it!

and that's the baptist bra joke routine!  did it make you crack a smile?  i sure hope so, you have a depression problem and you need to see a docter.  or would you rather be a hippocondriac?  if so, you can self diagnose your problems: webmd.com.  it's the affordable way to say "hey".  don't forget also that maybe you need to take perscription "MEDS (pdn)".  for those of you i say, GET A PHD in MD and get over it.  you can get the online and go and find drugs on there if you need them and you will get $200 worth of antibiotics and your wife will refuse to take these "MEXICANT" drugs because she can get them for cheaper at jc pennies.  OUTLET SHOPPING IS UNREAL!  more about american pie 4: the new batch at 10 pm

HEY MIKE, you'll never believe this, but ripley's believe it or not says YES WAY, so grow up!!  YOU LOST THE BET.  all bets are off and all hats are donned.  take off you pants and relax in my wetside jacuzzi.  you thought that you knew but really, you have no idea!  you rented austin powers 2 because 3 was checked out already!  MY BAD!

thanks for slam dunking that spotted dick in my freezer.  i needed someone to knock me in line cos i'm coloring everywhere without a care in the world!  i painted the town red and then i listened to kid rock for three days without leaving the house!  the world is my oyster and the pearl is an autographed jordan basketball.  it needs some air, so pump it up!  what?  you just got off the phone with hans und franz?  OH OK COOL!  consider it pumped up.

check this out:

oh well, whatevS! check out the last art page for new works of pure (f)art

so the other day i got this letter in the mail from one of my fans.  it's about the holidays (which are coming up if you are not black!) and it really touched my heart WHILE, in turn, tickling my "funny" bone.  u know what i mean?  here it is 4u (not them):

Dear  Webmaster "von" James Orient,

I've been a good mom all year. I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my
children on demand, visited the doctor's office more than my doctor,
sold sixty-two cases of candy bars to raise money to plant a shade
tree  on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over  several Christmases,
since I had to write this letter with my son's red  crayon, on the
back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who  knows
when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are  my Xstmas wishes:

I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any  color, except
purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap  in
the breeze;  but are strong enough to pull my screaming children out
of the candy aisle in the grocery store.  Also, I would like to bench like 180.

I'd also like a waist,  since I lost mine somewhere in the late
stages of my last pregnancy. 

If you're hauling big ticket items this year I'd like fingerprint
resistant windows and a radio that only plays adult music (toy story soundtrack); a
television  that doesn't broadcast any programs containing talking
animals; and a  refrigerator with a secret compartment behind the
crisper where I can hide  to talk on the phone.

On the practical side, I could use a talking doll  that says, "Yes,
Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with kids who  don't
fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without
the use of power tools... or you can just give me the power tools!  HA!

I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks  chanting "Don't eat in
the living room" and "Daddy doesn't love you anymore," because my
voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing  range and can
only be heard by the dog (Spike).

If it's too late to find any  of these products, I'd settle for
enough time to brush my teeth and comb my  hair in the same morning,
or the luxury of eating food warmer than room  temperature without it
being served in a Styrofoam container.

If you  don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
brighten the  holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
ketchup a  vegetable?  It will clear my conscience immensely.

It would be  helpful if you could coerce my children to help around
the house without  demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an
organized crime  family.

Well, Oriental, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my
feet under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.
Have  a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door
and come in and  dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table  but don't eat too many or
leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,  MOM...!

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can  keep
my children young enough to keep our relationship secret.

Dear "MOM",

Your requests have touched my heart (and my fart!) and u know what that means!  I am sorry to hear about your purple legs, maybe you need someone to rub you the right way?  get it?  i'm talking about 2nd base, over the clothes petting (i think that's what it is).  As for all your other requests, we'll have to see how i feel after we round 3rd base and head for HOME PLATE!  that's right lady, we're going all the way.  IT'S GOING YARD.  and by all the way, i mean ALLLLL THE WAYYYYYYY... to an african percussion class at your local university!  KEEP DANCING, NEVER STOP

literally!

ok so, there's a couple new arts i'm putting up, so put out and check it out! 

Hey guys, remember when i lied and said i was going to UPDATE this breadpage every signal day?  well i sure pulled the bull over ur eyes!  well, when i maid that statement i thought it was a true lies, but turns out i was all wrong in every direction.  so let's turn it upside down and flip the scripts:

did you know?

I'm 44 yrs old male, with long blonde hair, half way down my back. I'm clean and DDF. I'm 6', 170 lbs and very fit . Open-minded on all accounts. If you like a man who is easy to talk to, fun to be with, has a great sense of humor, and is very outgoing, and then I am your Man! I'm a gentleman, and a bad boy rolled up in one. Very sincere, inside and out. I'm a passion, sexy, confident, considerate, and sensual man, that knows how to treat a lady. I’m available for business trips, social gatherings/meetings, theater, or just hanging out and having a good time. I’m available Days, Evenings, and Weekends. I do travel domestic and international for Baths/Showers, Corporate Events, Couples, Dancing, Dinner Dates, Erotic Rubdowns, Fantasy Fulfillment, Lunch Dates, Massages, One-On-One Sessions, Overnight, Private Sessions, Social Events, Stress Management, Travel Excursions, and more!

sure is!  well, hey what is your greatest desire?  for me to update this webslide?  DONE.  condsider it done.  if i can be frank, you can be joel.  hey joel, what do you want to see on the update?  all requests and dedications?  OK CONSIDER IT DONE.  what a burl wants:

1. pipe invention

CONSIDER it DONE AND DONE!

hey this is that guy i was telling u about

brothers and sisters in christ,

here is the letter of the law.  Gratia vobis et pax a Deo Patre, et Domino nostro Iesu Christo.  that's latin for "i got u a job at zany brainy.  you start tomorrow."  but i don't have my uniform yet!  how will they know i work there?  ans: the mole on your leg

let's make a pact: i'll get rite to the